DAY ONE
Despite the Absinthes the night before I wake at three thirty, too excited to get back to sleep so I repack the back pack, putting three toilet rolls at the bottom that I know will be pushing on my back for the whole trip. I arrive at the tour shop at six forty five for our departure at seven.
Again I remind them that we are going to go slow and easy as I haven’t ridden for a while and they reply, we have a saying “if you want to get there fast go slow, if you want to get there slow go fast”. Fair enough. I psych myself into getting used to riding on the right hand side of the road.
THE BIKE – Yamaha pro enduro TTR 250 (NOT covered by my travellers insurance) It feels great, soft suspension, the seat would be good if my backpack wasn’t forcing me to sit so far forward, let me just say SADDLE SORE. It loves it when you kick it down a gear and throttle it, brakes are solid, it has only done three thousand kilometres by the time my trip is over.
The first five minutes out of town are tricky getting used to the bike and riding on the correct side of the road especially at roundabouts. The next ten kilometres are open sealed road and I start to feel the fun and freedom, it is short lived.
It was during this “white knuckle-death grip” part of the journey that I’m sure led to the condition I still have where I cannot use the fingers on my left hand very well, especially the muscles between my thumb and forefinger, I am still having trouble using a fork or doing up a button. My right hand with the bad fingers survived surprisingly well luckily, yeah I can hear your jokes from here guys!
We pass through many villages and I mean “carry water from the river to your house” kind of villages on bamboo stilts with thatched rooves. These people are called the "Black Chinese" one of the minoities in this country that are not Buddhist, they believe in spirits and each village has a Shaman. Finally we get back onto paved roads. We stop in a village and have sticky rice with some sort of meat and greens.
ANIMALS- through the whole journey there are buffalo, bison, cows, pigs, goats, dogs, cats, chickens, geese, turkeys, I even ran over a scorpion. Chickens are stupid. They hear the bike coming and decide that is the best time to cross the road then realise their mistake at the last minute and turn back but at one point, this is absolutely true, a rooster launched itself at me! In every town there is at least one dog laying in the middle of the road asleep, not stirring in the slightest as vehicles pass – “let sleeping dogs lie” came to mind every time I saw it. All of these animals are free to roam, be it in the forest or on the road so the main concern of course is coming around a bend and encountering anything bigger than a goat, a buffalo would be the end of the trip.
Notice the dog in the middle of the road.
We entered the National Park mid afternoon and even got a white line in the middle of the road! We arrived in Vieng Tong just before sunset and checked out the natural hot springs which they have piped into a bathing area before checking into our hotel.
It was fairly rough but the bed was comfortable, there was warm water for the shower and a mosquito net over the bed. We had dinner at the only restaurant in town across the road, more sticky rice, meat and greens. 230Km.
DAY TWO
This morning was a competition between the roosters and the buffalo to see who could wake me up. I got up at five and went for a wander through town, then met Mr Big at the restaurant for breakfast.
We hit the road about eight, I bought an extra jumper at the market because I could tell I was going to need it, we are in the mountains, about seven hundred metres up and we will be climbing all morning to about one thousand five hundred metres.
Some of the villages here, like Pengs, have ingenious rotors and turbines that are powered by the river to generate a small amount of electricity, as below.
We climb through clouds on paved roads with the odd pot hole and vehicle coming the other way. We stop at Cave Piew where an American fighter in sixty eight managed to fire a rocket directly into the cave killing over three hundred people.
We have passed through hundreds of villages by now and everytime the kids come running out waving and I have to constantly be aware of the road when I take my hand off the handle bars to wave back, i feel rude when i can't wave because i need to gear down or hang on for a pothole. Again we stop at one of these villages for sticky rice, it is starting to give me heart burn.
I have also developed a strong OCD behaviour where I need to look both sides of a bridge as we cross it and we have crossed hundreds of those as well.
We mainly use regular service stantions but here is a couple of, shall we say, antinquated ones. 
We arrive in Phonsavanh around three and I dump my backpack in my hotel room then we have just enough time to check out sight two of the Plain of Jars (there are three) The bike is so different without the weight on the back and so much more comfortable.
We also check out a very old Buddhist temple that the French destroyed and a huge Stupa.
Mr Big has sore eyes and retires early while I finally order some garlic chicken and CHIPS, I have not had fried chips for two whole days! The odometer is up to 450Km.
DAY THREE
I get up early and catch up with my WWF friends with the restaurant wifi, I haven’t played for two days.
Sunrise over Phonsavanh and below some old bombs outside the tourist check in office and small museum.
We check out the local market and I get some tiger balm and put it on my hands every time we stop, it helps a little. Finally, Plain of Jars sight one, the main one (sight three is a long way away and to be honest once you’ve seen a Plain of Jars…..)
As with the last sight there are MAG markers you must follow, this means they have been cleared of unexploded ordinances. It’s not quite Stone Henge but there is something magical about the area.
There is also a cave in a small mound at the site.
Oh, and just to prove I was actually there.........
Shortly after this we visit a Buddha cave up to a thousand years old. It winds back through many caverns and was used as a hospital during war. The Buddha himself is very old and worn but so beautiful.
A patient gernsey from the hospital days.
From here I just want to reach our destination which is about two hundred kilometres of winding mountain roads of stunning views then a pretty good stretch of fifty to Vang Vieng.
The sun is very strong and I am smiling all the way and trying to block the ending of "Easy Rider" out of my head.
We arrive and Mr Big checks me into a “resort villa” thirteen dollars a night for your own cabin. The odometer reads 783Km!
I drop my bags into my room and take the bike to the bus station and Mr Big drops me back at the resort and we say farewell.
I am so exhausted I shower and change and walk twenty metres to the river with a beer and dip my toes in, now I feel like I have made it!
Too tired to leave the hotel I go to the restaurant to eat but it is booked out for a Thai party but luckily they give me a small table on the side. I order a hamburger but they don’t have them on the menu tonight so I have a bacon sandwich and spring rolls and another beer then go to crash out.
The party turns into a ridiculously loud karaoke sing along, thank goodness I have some Valium. Then at one in the morning the drunken yobbos arrive back to their villas and carry on until………………..that goodness for Valium.
