Monday...into Tuesday

I slept for six hours straight last night the longest consecutive sleep I’ve had since I’ve been here but again there was some wild dreaming in there. I saw a documentary on the Qantas A-380 engine explosion yesterday and the vampire movie “Let Me In” so what I remember of the dream was a terrifying ordeal on a jet with lots of blood. You were right Emma, it was better than all the other vampire schlock that has been coming out.  

The breakfast area was full when I got up this morning so I went out for a change and had some beef stew in a roll and started my new book, some light reading “Stephen Hawking – A Brief History of Time”.  

I bought the book a few days ago from Ann, a girl with poor muscle control and a speech problem where she speaks through her nose with a lot of “R” sounds and cannot move her mouth properly, I can’t remember what it’s called but consequentially a lot of people avoid her more so than the regular street sellers. I stopped to talk to her weeks ago and said “maybe” I would buy a book from her when I finished reading the one I had but she called me on it a few days ago saying I “promised”. She is always stoned and was getting wound up so it was not worth making a scene so for three dollars I just bought it. My regular book lady gave me an unhappy look when she saw it but she was ok when I explained what had happened as long as I promised to buy the next one from her.  

My big concern today is work. This is supposed to be my last week of work but payday is not until the end of the month by which time i will probably be in Laos so I am wondering if they are going to pay me at all and how it will pan out. I am working tonight, Monday and Saturday and Sunday, if I’m not going to get paid I could just leave Saigon this week. I bumped into Dan, one of the teachers from Santa café, one of the more composed non-drinking ones and he helped put it in perspective and just in time, I was ready for a big confrontation when I got in tonight but he has calmed me down with sound logic. I am just glad to have the experience and he thinks I will get paid either way so I just need to chill out. Helping me chill out – I got a TXT from Zoe and we are catching up again tonight. 

Wah and I leave for school at five, peak hour. I arrive at school to find out someone made a mistake on my roster and I don’t start until seven thirty – great two hours to kill. I wander the streets and find a coffee, reschedule my date with Zoe and chat to some locals who are happy to practice their English and learn a bit about Australia. It is quite hot so I go back to the school and sit in the classroom air-conditioning catching up on my WWF games and popping outside for cigarettes. Outside I am befriended by two gorgeous little girls who think the funniest thing ever is to pop their heads around the corner and yell “HELLO” to which I reply “hello” back and they run away screaming and laughing then return thirty seconds later to do it all again, this goes on for at least ten minutes until I can’t take anymore and go back inside.

Finally it is lesson time and we have a great lesson with lots of fun and games. The bell rings and I head back to the Blue River for a quick shower and go to meet Zoe. We have a drink then go for dinner. After dinner she suggests “one more” and we drink until three in the morning.

I escort her back to her hotel, walking amongst the rats in the street and after I leave her I walk back the same way and come across this………. 

I swear it was not there three minutes ago when we passed this way. Back at the Blue River I have to wake Mun to let me in – the first time in five weeks I have been out this late – not bad, and I crash……………

Teach Your Children Well

I slept ok but I feel weary even though I slept to eight, there was some crazy dreaming last night. A relaxed breakfast then tie and shoes dress up and on the bike to school. A coffee with Joo, thankfully her daughter is not around today so no trying to set me up with her.

I have one class today and I’ve had them before, ten eight year olds that I had to separate and move through the class last week and again today. They are ok when they pay attention but if I let the talkers sit together there is anarchy. I explode the beginning of the lesson with a game of “six” a great attention grabber for kids. I tell them to write down six numbers/fruits/animals and I write down six, if they write down one that I have written down they get a point, it’s basically bingo with words.  

Yesterday I explained the game to the first class and asked them to write down six numbers, I sat down to give them a couple of minutes as they wrote furiously, I stood up to check their progress and noticed every single one of them was writing – s i x n u m b e r s – that’s when I changed it to fruit and finally got them to understand. 

Today’s class went well and most of them seemed to learn something. During the break Han, one of the Vietnamese teachers who says more than just a polite “hello” to me (there are two or three male teachers who try to pretend I’m not there) bought me an ice cream and sat down for a chat. She’s a charming girl and has asked if I would like to go to her house for dinner sometime, just a polite gesture, and we talk about her hometown in the Mekong and working at VATC, a guarded conversation on my part. 

On the ride home just as we get to District One there is a huge lighting bolt not far away and we make it back to the hotel before it rains. In the time I have been here including the last two visits I have seen maybe one bike collision per week, yesterday I saw three. Thay is at reception and I tell her she looks lovely today (she always does), she blushes, Mun is standing near by watching and I tickle him and tell him he does too and we tussle up the stairs. Thay calls out to me and we stop to look back down the stairs, she looks around the corner to say “Simon you should only tell me, I get jealous” with a fun smile, I tell her “it is always you Thay”

 

I change and head to Dung café for lunch and then next door at Santa café I catch up with the lads for a couple of beers as the rain pours down, a simply wonderful afternoon. Mid afternoon I return to my room for a nap and a movie, perfect with the sound of rain outside. 

I decide to give Anne’s café another shot, damn them and that great cream penne. Tonight I almost made it to the first corner without being asked if I wanted a ride but I did almost get to the second corner without being asked if I wanted weed. It’s a quiet night on the block, the penne is great then back to my room for movies.

Red Headed Woman

A good nights sleep I feel good, breakfast and off to school. I have my morning coffee at Joo’s shop, she seems to be forcing her daughter to talk to me, awkward.  

The first class is a new one for me, about fifteen kids around eight years old, very engaged and fun to work with, I didn’t even have to move anyone. I managed to fill some dead air with some new games Simon showed me yesterday. 

I miss not having Brandon to talk to between classes. Second class I have had before, eight ten year olds, again no punishment needed they are a good class today, I think it makes a big difference if I am energised they seem to feed off that and I don’t give them time to mess around. 

Very busy streets on the way home, midday, bumping elbows with handle bars at some intersections, still better than Sydney traffic. Back at the Blue River I have a quick shower and head out for lunch, I’m starving. 

I go to Jin’s café for lunch, met an Aussie family a bit bewildered by it all but with two kids in tow I can understand that. I buy a Telegraph mainly just to read the story on the fourteen year old Aussie kid who got busted in Bali and to see if the bleeding hearts are out in force in the letters page, I’m glad to see they are not, serves you right kid. 

I wander down to the GO2 for a beer and sit near a beautiful redheaded English girl called Zoe. We chat for a while, she is twenty six and has been living in Perth for four years. She is here for a holiday and to take advantage of thousands of dollars worth of dental work for the much more reasonable Vietnamese price. She also got robbed when she first got here and we bond on stories of hatred for the ANZ. 

Not a great shot but a very cool old cruiser going past the GO2.

 

My back is sore and I need a massage so I ask her out tonight for dinner and at her suggestion the Water Puppet Theatre so we swap numbers and I go for my massage. I bump into Lan as I come out of the massage shop, the first time I have seen her since I got back, she walks with me towards my hotel and we have a good catch up along the way then back to my room for a shower.

I meet Zoe at a bar outside her hotel and we head off to find the Water Puppet Theatre but we just miss the six thirty show so we buy tickets for the seven forty five show and head off to find a restaurant. She is a wonderful, interesting girl and I am glad for the female company and conversation that is not hinting in a round about way to – Are you single? How much money do you have? Can I get a VISA to your country? 

The water puppets are interesting, it is all in Vietnamese so we have little idea what the story lines are but they are non the less entertaining, I thought a couple of the “skits” were Marx Brothers routines, hilarious. 

Zoe and I have a couple more beers and I walk her back to her hotel then head back to mine for some sleep, it has been a long but great day.

Getting Better

Slept in to a little after eight again and feeling over the depression of arriving back in Saigon yesterday, helped by the arrival of my replacement license and Thay asking me out for coffee this weekend .

It’s good to have more than just my passport for ID again, who would’ve thought the RTA would be the only dependable organisation to come through for me while I’m here? 

- The insurance company has not responded to two emails – “Covermore – travel insurance you can trust” my ass!

- The police are still trying to fill in a report from four weeks ago.

- The ANZ did eventually deliver my new cards but at a cost to me of fifty dollars and a phone bill of a thousand dollars. (The RTA sent me a new license for twenty eight dollars!)

- Acer fixed my laptop power problem after four repair attempts before I left Australia but have left the keyboard loose so the cursor jumps around the page while I’m typing and in their “customer survey” email, have still not spelt my name correctly.

If I was in New York I'd be marching with those anti corporate protestors.........But I digress, thinking about this will only ruin my day………… 

After a lazy post breakfast movie must see (Gigli – rated one of the worst films ever made – but I didn’t mind it, I’ve certainly seen worse, like J Lo's newest one) I avoid the usual morning places and walk in a different direction today stopping at some local markets for coffee then a great local restaurant for lunch and within ten pages of finishing my Nick Hornby book. 

Early afternoon and time for a beer at Santa’s café where I catch up with Simon that I met last night for a few afternoon beers and some helpful teaching advice. He’s also the only person I’ve spoken to in a month who is on my wavelength, it is really good to connect with someone and we spend the afternoon quoting movies and talking Motorhead and Dylan, his brother was in Teardrop Explodes. 

Peter turns up just as I’m leaving, he’s a little bit wicked but we are also very similar in a lot of ways, I like him, his girl is getting back from Danang today. After too many beers, again, I head back to my room to study tomorrow’s lesson materials with some success.  

Out for a quiet dinner at Dung’s café, finish my book then an early night to be on the ball for the little monsters first thing in the morning.

Coming Down the Mountain

Although I did wake around four for a while I got back to sleep and slept in until eight, the latest I have slept in for the one month I have been here - Today. I notice from my balcony the cable car is running so after eating enough instead of too much at the buffet breakfast I head off.  

I wonder if he can smell my breath from the Ostrich dinner last night.

I am on top of the mountain by nine. There is a sideshow alley, various petting zoo style enclosures, a big fat Buddha and a restaurant by a little lake with a waterfall overlooking the harbour where I take my morning coffee and meditate soaking up the view before I leave today.  

Picture of the day.

Jesus to the left, then the light house, then the wharf, the hydrofoil arriving, an oil rig and ships, the cable car in the foreground and an indistinguishable horizon, all over a great coffee.

The cable car ride is only about five minutes and quite exhilarating, no time for illogical falling fears. I have been looking for a place to release some of the pent up western anger and frustration I have bottled up over the last month and the ride down is the perfect place for some primal scream therapy, it helps the anxiety and I feel very refreshed when I get off at the bottom. 

It's a pretty big city.

Back to the Rex in time for a swim before check out. I arrive at the wharf with enough time for some fried chicken at Lotteria – a mounting obsession – and a few chapters over a beer before the boat back to Saigon. 

On the bike ride back to the Blue River I wonder who I will see first out of the people I know and there she is out the front of Alley Booz selling her cheap basket wares to tourists – Lan. I arrive at the hotel and Hien is excited to see me, ah it’s nice to be missed. I don’t want to rush into my return so after a quick mid afternoon bite at Dung’s café I unpack and have a snooze until the sun goes down. 

A bittersweet return to the block, I stop at bar Thi to say hello to the boys in the band and met a cool crazy Canadian. His name is Atlas and he’s on crutches with screws in his leg from a bike accident (back in Canada) but his best story was of destroying a tax office, throwing computers and chairs through the window and getting arrested.  

Then on to Anne’s for dinner where once again they wasted my time not bringing me my bill through more miscommunication. Anne is working in the kitchen instead of out the front and it seems she is integral in organisation, I’m thinking of boycotting them. 

Then down to the corner bar which I just noticed does actually have a name, its Santa’s café. I enjoyed a few beers with Glen and Peter and met a heap of new guys then exited politely after one too many.

Just Like Living in Paradise

Great nights sleep, a few laps of the pool and a huge buffet breakfast, not a bad way to start any day. The Rex is situated in the middle of a peninsula point, bookmarked on either side by the masterfully named Big Mountain and Little Mountain. Big Mountain to the north has a cable car running to the top which is first on my list today. It is only about a fifteen minute walk unless you get caught in a mid-morning shower halfway, then it depends how long the rain lasts, I huddle in a toilet block with a dozen locals for about fifteen minutes.

I get to the cable car station around ten and am informed it is not running (I could see that) but I cannot ellicit when it might be running, apparently the rain has something to do with it. Upon further thought I realise they are not going to turn the whole thing on for one tourist so maybe this afternoon. Vung Tau is very quiet through the week but fills up with Siagonese who escape the city over the weekend.

There is a "Museum" called White Castle a slight walk up the hill so I have a look at that, admission is only twenty five cents and rightly so. It only contains a small but interesting collection of artifacts recently brought up from a ship wreck off the coast here of porcelain and bronze cutlery and figurines from the fifteenth century belonging to a Chinese dynasty bound for Europe.

Covered in sweat I return to the Rex for a shower and begin a walk away from the coast into the township to explore and eat. I found Buddha so spent a few minutes in thanks. I ended up walking for two hours and found myself on the long white sands of a tourist beach around the point to the south of Little Mountain, exhausted I stop at a posh restaurant where the staff initially ignored me hoping I would go away (Yikes - he's wearing jeans, how uncooth!) but you know I can be persistant, I have the BBQ crab.

My legs and feet have had enough so after lunch I negotiate a ride back around to the wharf, stopping along the way for a photo of Vung Tau's very own "Christ the Redeemer".

He has an expression of - "I am so sorry the French have imposed my misinterpreted teachings on you people through the Dogma of the Catholic church" - or maybe that's just me?

I have a beer at the Ned Kelly Bar by the wharf, my little foray into the "passe" today, then get another bike back to the Rex for a late afternoon lay down. One good lesson to come of this trip is that I realise I do not want to live in Saigon. It has everything and anything that you want and ten years ago that would have suited and probably killed me but I have had enough of living in big cities.

After a nap I do another few laps in the pool and then head down to the jiggling mini skirt cleavage bar by the pool, hey i'm only human, right? I start off on vodka, "Ha" introduces herself to me and invites me to a game of pool. She kicks my butt in the first game and I foolishly think I may be in with a chance in the second game, spurred on with AC/DC's "Shoot to Thrill" but as we move into "What do You do For Money Honey?" I realise that I never had a chance and that I should leave, the second two vodkas were a lot stronger than the first and I need something to eat.

Back to the same restaurant as last night, the warm woman who runs the place greets me with open arms and takes me to a table. It only takes her about two minutes and forty five seconds to start enquiring about my age and status and to point out two of the waitress' who are twenty five and single, there is a lot of that here. I know the same restaurant two nights in a row is not too adventurous but this is not some tourist place, the food is fantastic and I am seated amongst only locals unlike the other bars along the road where westerners gather in throngs - at this point I should explain that "throng" is actually about four or five people, there is only about twenty westerners in town. Also I cannot be accused of not being experimental - tonight I have the Ostrich - and it is awesome!

I wander back to the Rex and currently sit in the computer room writing this blog. The question now is do I go to my room or back to the pool bar to try and win a game of pool against Ha? Stay tuned.........

The Last Resort

I was woken this morning to knocking on my door at six, I belligerently got up and opened it to one of the women that arrived last night who mistakenly must have thought it was her friends room, she shuffles off with no apology or sign of penance – rude cow!

Today i am going to Vung Tau and I am looking forward to this brief escape, I have developed what at this stage is just a sore throat and I hope does not develop into anything more, there does seem to be a “flu” going around but I think mine is more the case of too many cigarettes, pollution and trying to sleep with the air conditioner – room is cool, turn it off – wake up sweaty, turn it on – room cools down again, throat dries out, turn it off – etc. The ideal way to combat this is to sleep with the window open and the air conditioner on but apart from the energy waste it still seems to dry my throat out too much.

I got to the wharf at eleven thirty for the midday boat, because I didn't look around at the ticket window to notice there are two companies running services, I ended up with a twelve thirty ticket - keep pushing my buttons Saigon, I am not going to crack. Finally I'm on the boat and someone else is in my seat and doesn't want to move - don't posture with me buddy I've been here a month and today is not the day to give me attitude - keep pushing my buttons Saigon..........

After a smooth comfortable hour and twenty minutes we arrive at the wharf at Vung Tau, I duck into a Lotteria in the treminal for some fried goodies and to give the bike rider feeding frenzy that has engulfed my fellow passengers outside the terminal time to calm down - rookies. I step outside almost unnoticed and start the walk towards the main part of town. Immeadiately a wash of calm descends - the occasional bike goes past, ships float by in the harbour, a gentle breeze, the temperature is a perfect twenty four...........I have arrived!

I stop at the "Aussie Pie Shop"  for a coffee and get some general advice from a couple of old Aussie gents. I keep walking into the heart of the town, there is a vibrant green park that runs all the way along near the waters edge, there is no beach but I hate beaches anyway, sunburn and sand in the crotch is not my thing. Out of curiousity (and to soak up some air-con before I walk on to find a cheaper hotel) I go into the Rex Hotel that stands near the water front to check out the rooms and she shows me the "sea view" room, dammit, I owe myself a little treat, I wasn't going to stay at one of these kind of places but my room on the fifth floor overlooks the garden, pool and the entire harbour. Anyway it's only one ten for two nights, that's not too expensive, did I mention the view?

After my late night and early morning I am worn out so I take a shower and lay down for a while. The excitement is too much and I can't sit still so I head down to the pool for a swim, my back feels great after the swim and oh how good is the water?

Now I'm hungry so I shower up and head down to the bar pool which is full of hot young cleavage bearing girls in mini skirts jiggling as they lean over to take shots playing pool as the Eagles belt out "Life in the Fast Lane" and "The Last Resort" - Apt!

The scene is too cliche' with old white guys circling like sharks so after one beer I head out to find some good food. It is sunset and all along the ocean wall there are people gazing into the dying light eating ice creams and holding hands.

I find a great outdoor restaurant full of locals chowing down on real Vietnamese food - this is what I'm talking about. For ten dollars I get a great beef and garlic stirfry with chips and two humungous fried chicken legs, yes I may have over done the fried chicken today, two beers and a pack of cigarettes. A thunderstorm bursts the night sky to life and a torrential rain drives everyone inside under the covered section of the restaurant, the old lady who runs the place keeps coming up to me with her rosy cheeks to make sure everything is ok - oh how it is!

The rain has cleared and my belly is full so I meander through the streets - with hardly a bike to be heard, it is beautiful - back to the Rex for some long craved rest and sleep.

Communication Breakdown

Why is it that on the morning I can sleep in I’m wide awake at five thirty? No problem, I feel refreshed with no major aches or pains and the grumpy mood of yesterday has passed. After some ABC news I have a great breakfast and head off to Anne’s café for some fruit salad with yogurt and coffee to get some reading done. I storm through some chapters, a great read about reading and Nick Hornby has given me quite a list of books I wish to get through that should keep my free time fruitful for a number of months.  

Anne suiting up for a ride in the rain.

I give in to the urge for a bagel and head to the Coffee Bean, one good reason to go there now is because after two coffees and a pineapple juice – the Coffee Bean has the cleanest toilets in District One, no I haven’t seen them all but they are really spotless. Another good reason to go there is that it is non-smoking which forces me to have some time off the death sticks.

It is midday now and I head back to the hotel to peruse tonight’s class material and possibly have a nap as well as do a little research about Vung Tau for my getaway tomorrow, I knew I had heard that name somewhere – Redgum – I Was Only Nineteen………….  

From Vung Tau riding Chinooks to the dust at Nui Dat,
I'd been in and out of choppers now for months.  

After looking over the material for school I put my head down and get close to dozing off with some wonderfully majestic, sporadic thunder and rain as a peaceful soundtrack when the plumber starts. He is here to fix the water in my old room but the banging is three floors up and not too bad. Then my phone rings, it is Tessie, she has been trying to call Gareth and he is not picking up so would like me to try him, no answer so I send him a TXT to call her. Back to lying down and the plumber for some reason has now started in the hotel kitchen, the room under me, apparently I’m not meant to get any rest this afternoon. 

It’s raining gently outside so I just go to the end of the lane and try a French restaurant ten steps down the street, I order an ice coffee and look at the menu – rookie – always look at the prices first! A burger and a beer or coffee at most places is about four dollars. The most basic burger they have here is five dollars by itself. I know it seems petty and I’m not really worried about the two or three extra dollars this meal will cost me but at the same time I don’t like to support these kinds of places. After looking over the menu I decide I’m not really in the mood for a ten dollar steak and although it’s three in the afternoon the all day breakfast sounds pretty good and I get that with my coffee for six dollars. I know it is passé to write about food but it is the best breakfast I have had for months! Sunnyside up eggs, bacon, sausage, salad, soft fresh French bread and fried potato cubes. 

The plumber must have finished his banging back at the hotel by now so I try again for sleep, I get some but I’m woken up by Gareth returning my call - dude! I got you an interview, stop bothering me and just call her!! 

With the precision of a ball bearing in a cluster bomb Wah gets me to school with enough time for a coffee at Joo’s shop before class. Joo and I are enjoying trying to communicate and tonight we go through each others ages and that of her son and daughter who is twenty eight, I suspect she has ulterior motives? 

Joo

Lisa, Cherry, Rosie, Fatman

Will Smith, Kevin, Ken, Jessie

This class is fun, I have had them twice before but tonight they are lethargic so I make them stand up and jump around, ever the task master. All the usual things go wrong, I have the wrong CD and it takes three attempts to elicit the correct one from the office. The class say “YES” when I ask if they are bored so I ask them what they would prefer to do - so we just play word games for most of the class. Tessie busts my balls about using the wrong roster folder and it’s not until I’m halfway home that I remember - she gave it to me! Not to worry, I’m off to the beach tomorrow and I’m not back at school until the weekend.

Back at the Blue River the foyer is full of mostly large, Malaysian Muslim women chattering on with a combined palaver equal to any rock concert I have been to who have just arrived, I roll my eyes to poor Mun who is going to have to carry all their suitcases up the stairs to their rooms, poor guy. I go to Dung café as usual for dinner and beer after which I am still peckish so I go to Annes and order a small entrée. About half an hour later I am wondering where the food is…………turns out there was some sort of communication breakdown and there is no food coming and everyone has been twiddling their thumbs wondering why I am still sitting there, this wouldn’t have happened if Anne were still at work, Argh!

All in a Days Work

Good coffee for breakfast and a peaceful Sunday morning ride to school. I stop at Joo’s shop across the road from school for another coffee before I head in for the first lesson. It’s not hot yet but the humidity is rising fast.

First lesson is a starter group of eight kids around six years old with a very basic understanding of English, today we are learning colours. I am developing my persona as a teacher that is evolving as always encouraging, happy and fun but with a small tolerance for messing around. I found the line today when one of the kids is chattering quite consistently to the kids either side of him while they are trying to work and not paying attention to me (and there is no bigger crime than denying me attention) so I sneak over and slam my hand on his desk scaring the hell out of him and making a few of the other kids jump and look up in shock. I can see he is close to tears so instantly throw out a big smile (and remind myself not to react quite that intensely again) and we move on with the lesson, he is my most focused student for the rest of today though. As I said we are doing colours and apart from repetition speaking and listening it also involves colouring in and again, parents, for whatever reason, did not buy the books for two of the kids. I manage to pair them up with other kids that have books so they get something out of the lesson but really what a lousy approach the school has.

In-between lessons Tessie gives me the new roster for my first paid week – surprise, surprise - it has been cut from fourteen hours to eight with excuses that there are tests on Thursday so I lose that four hours and for some reason I lose two hours for the early class Sunday, I don’t care I don’t want to be up at six to teach on a Sunday anyway (or any day) and I was wondering how the school was going to mess me around, I was expecting it, you were right Brandon.

I will continue to talk badly about the school I’m sure but the truth is because it is a “cowboy” operation I am able to lazily insert myself into the teaching system without too much effort or stress, if it was a professional school that worked hard on a curriculum I would be spending a lot more time studying, struggling and stressed so as Tao would say…..everything is as it should be.

The second class is about twelve students around ten years old, again a minor grasp of English with some smart alec loud boys and some chattering gossip girls and one belligerent anti-authority boy who just stares at me, I like that kind of kid. He is the first one I make an example of about ten minutes into the lesson by getting him to stand up next to me in front of the class (something they all make clear they are terrified at the prospect of) to read the first paragraph. He stumbles his way through, suddenly becoming coyly dependant on me for some of the words which I offer in a very happy, encouraging and helpful manner, I high five him when he gets through it and now he’s on my side. I call out the girl that seems to be the biggest talker who was talking through his reading and get her up to read the second paragraph, by the time she has finished reading most of the class are upright and focused, talking is at a minimum. I ask for a volunteer for the third paragraph and I get one, they are working with me already and I’m only twenty minutes in. Cruel but fair with a happy smile seems to work for me.

The biggest trouble these kids have, and it stems from the Vietnamese school system, is that they are expected to memorise everything from a book so they “know” things but no one explains it so they “understand” them. I make them shut their books every now and again and watch me, they are terrified without being able to look at the books but it seems to me they are not going to learn how to pronounce a word by staring down at the book and mumbling. I act like a clown to ease their stress and it is noticeable how much better they react and pick things up with the books closed and I think they feel it too. Anyway, enough blowing my own trumpet today, the bell has rung.

It rained while we were in class and though it’s only twenty five degrees the humidity is prominent in the midday traffic ride home. A quick shower and off to Dungs café for a Club Burger and a beer. I step next door for a beer with the English lads and meet a very cool American called William who also goes by Liam. I know he is cool because it is hot and sweaty and he is wearing a trench coat and army helmet. Insane one would think until you talk to him, a considered and intelligent chap who is just a bit eccentric and we hit it off discussing writing and writers, something we are both aspiring to. The table soon filtered down to just Tom and I and he has had quite a few beers so after discussing what Australia thinks of the royal family and Julia Gillard I head off for a lay down.

I’m still a bit hungry so I stop at a restaurant just near my hotel who take far too long to serve up my fried chicken wing and rice as I get hassled by the shoe shine boys who are not used to seeing me around this side of the block so when the third one ignores my “no thank you” and grabs one of my thongs (yes they will try to shine even your thongs) I snap with an uncool, loud “NO!” he recoils away, I take a deep breath and force on a smile of apology and grit my teeth, that chicken better be really bloody good when it finally comes – they got lucky – it was. Yes I am grumpy and tired and just don’t have the energy I normally do to let this all bounce off me so please just let me eat and get back to my room to fall on the bed for a couple of hours.

My new room doesn’t have the Australia Channel so I spend some time working out how to tune the TV and sort out the six or so channels I do watch all within a buttons click of each other instead of spread out over eighty channels then I spend some time dozing in and out of Iron Man Two.

After my rest when the sun has gone down I wander around the block and stop in at the GO2 for a beer and a chapter of my book and some Bob Marley and Beatles then head to Annes’ for dinner but my front table is taken so I keep walking and end up back at the corner bar with Glen, Tom and Peter the Australian. Tom has been here since I left him four hours ago and has apparently slept in his seat for most of that time.

The one legged old man, Tom, Peter and Glen.

Since the school has dropped my Thursday classes I have Tuesday to Friday free this week and mention I might get out of town for a while, a few people have recommended Vung Tau which is about two hours on the hydrofoil and Peter says he has nothing better to do so he would be happy to come with me. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that, I have no real care to judge him having a girlfriend some thirty odd years his junior, yes glass houses and all that - though there are significant differences between our cases which I won't go into for fear of sounding defensive which I am not, but he has used the word “gook” frequently and that doesn’t sit right. That kind of language is used quite frequently around this table along with alternate language for colour and ethnicity, shudder worthy but fascinating to see it first hand and the reasons behind it from where I sit, it will be an under current in my writing and the experience will lend some authenticity.

I have been playing my cards close to my chest and I think they might’ve started to wonder if I was gay because I don’t talk much about “partying” with girls and I don’t have a local girl hanging off me so it was good to see their reaction when Lan came over to say hi and they started in on her. She reacted by putting her arm around me and teasing them with “Simon is my boyfriend he is number one in my heart” with her gorgeous big smile and a wink (and probably even sweeter than that was the chorus that came back from the gents "well you have good taste he's a bloody good fellow!" aw shucks!). I like her because she is not trying to ingratiate herself with me. I told her last week that I would pay her wages for the day so she didn’t have to work and she could be my tour guide for the day but then she sat down and had a serious chat with me about how she can’t do that because she would earn a “bad reputation” amongst her colleagues even though it was a totally innocent offer. I offer her a couple of days away at Vung Tau this week with a cheeky smile and a wink.

I know my limits and I can’t keep up with these boys so I head next door for dinner at Dung café then head home for a movie and some nuts. You know how sometimes you are aware just before it happens that pulling on the packet of nuts/chips to open them is all about to go wrong…………….

Kids

As my friend Louise said – and one of my favourite quotes for the year so far – LOCK AND LOAD – a teaching I must go. I slept fairly poorly and my neck is sore again. I think it has to do with the tossing and turning from the heat – then the air-conditioner, plus I had some pretty wild dreams last night, I had worked out how to shake off gravity and jump meters into the air and was trying to teach my friend Emma how to do it – you didn’t pick it up Em. 

So a pleasant bike ride in the thin(ner) traffic of 7am with my pollution mask on, it is fairly essential on the days I teach two classes, I am quite hoarse by the end of the four hours. Sitting on the back of Mr Wah’s bike is like watching a great artist at work, without going into too much detail, he knows just the right time to duck and weave with the most advantageous progress and without any aggression or unnecessary risk, using other riders as shields to avoid having to stop for the oncoming traffic and when it is raining he gets me through the whole half hour trip without a drop of water on my shoes from the puddles. He always finishes the trip with his signature OOO KAAYYY in that gentle croaky voice of a man who lives his art. 

Only time for a quick cigarette before I plunge into the first class, I have not taught these kids before. There are seven of them and only one has the book, the rest are too poor to buy one from the stingy school who, for the price the parents are paying should be providing them. Especially because the school is only photocopying them, I wonder what Cambridge would have to say about that. So seeing that the whole lesson I am supposed to teach relies on pictures and sentences from the book it is improvisation time. Using the board my texta runs out, then my spare one won’t work, ok who knows what a verb is? – student one, give me a verb starting with A………it is a long class but the kids are fun and we get through it. 

Brandon turns up while I am having my between classes cigarette and we chat about the pros and cons of VATC, as I have mentioned he is fairly down on the school but there is some wise and informative realism amongst his doom and gloom. He quit last week and today is his last day so he gives me his number in case I would like to call for advice or suggestions. He is a bit gloomy but not as a person just as a teacher at VATC, he is a decent guy, I will remember him as the quiet American. 

As I head back in Tessie takes me aside and offers me fourteen dollars an hour for the next two weeks, I act like it is just acceptable but to be honest I was expecting her to say ten which would have covered my accommodation so fourteen is great considering I don’t have a Uni Degree, Letter of Reference OR a work permit. (However I have just worked the last two weeks for free so the school has already saved what they are going to pay me so you could say I am getting half that much over four weeks – but it is still two weeks free accommodation and then some).

I take a deep breath before I walk into the second class and “Oi Joi Oi” (“Oh my god” in Vietnamese – Anne taught me that last week and it works wonders on people who hassle you for anything, they immediately smile and realise you are not new at their game and walk away) this class is fifteen kids who can speak the bare minimum, I have a headache and have to keep them entertained for the next two hours! Once I work out how much they can and can’t do I settle in on some basic teaching, I read – then you read – “Sally has brown hair” in unison - “Sally has brown hair”. Oh when will the bell ring? 

I cannot get the tie off fast enough as I walk out and get under the shower when I get back to my room. I also learnt a trick today that has given me much relief, I do the tie up but not the top button of my shirt which is what really chokes me so my throat feels less “strangled” today. Off to Dungs café for a chicken curry, I am starving, then to the corner café for a beer with the English lads. Today I meet another English guy who has been teaching all over Asia for the last fifteen years called Simon. He tells me good things about Burma, and Louise – he says Korea was his least favourite place.


I make my excuses after one beer and head to my massage place to fix my neck. Today Nha works on me, she is just as good as Trang but a bit gentler, I tell the manageress I will only use these two girls from now on and she tells me my massages are permanently cheaper as I am now a VIP. 

I head off to the GO2 for some RHCP and Beatles and a coffee so that I don’t sleep this afternoon in the hope I sleep well tonight and then to the Coffee Bean for a bagel fix, my fourth this week. Thankfully I am getting over them, I must find some scales soon and monitor my weight, you are right Max, being in sweaty hot Asia with good healthy food does not ensure maintaining of or loss of weight.  

Back to my room to shower the massage oil off and glance over tomorrows lesson material, after improvising my way through at least half of this weeks lessons I am starting to feel the need to do any more than glance at it less and less. 

I go to Anne’s for dinner, nice spring rolls, ravioli and a couple of Heinekens. Sitting at the other front table I meet a really nice Welsh guy, Keith who is here for a couple of days from Korea for their long weekend. We chat for quite a while about the annoyance he is feeling from the street sellers, how his son who is also named Simon has just spent a year teaching English in China and how he got caught up in the “friendly game of cards” scam yesterday and lost a heap of money. I told him about losing my wallet so he didn’t feel so bad about being scammed and offered a few suggestions for sightseeing tomorrow so he doesn’t think about returning to try and win his money back. 

No real interesting photos today so I’m putting these up just because I adore these girls. As an October special competition I’m offering one weekend’s free accommodation at the Blue River Hotel in HCMC to whoever can guess which one I like the most? There is also a great poster in the shop front across the street with a trench coat figure holding a sickle that says “Google knows what you did last summer”

To be fair Lan has her beautiful smile turned on but i caught Hi at a bad moment.